Author Topic: Never Ending. (Nevada)  (Read 381 times)

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Offline Darken.

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Never Ending. (Nevada)
« on: March 25, 2017, 09:25:58 AM »
She had thought, just a few days before hand that it was over. She had begun to pick up and move on with the grieving process, to accept that she was a widow. Nevada had run off, too smart to fall ill to what had consumed her wives time. The Rosas worked in mysterious ways though, she realized that as they had returned to their den. She was not being punished for being a heathen before, she was being taught an important lesson in patience and understanding.

That hadn’t completely eased her worries though. She says nothing to her wife for a few hours after the return. As in love as she was, she was hurt. Had Nevada tried to talk to her before that, she would have nodded and listened, but quietly avoided questions. She was ready now though, she had collected her thoughts, she had worked through what they needed to speak about.

Her wife, her beautiful wife. “If you were sick you should have come to me.” There is a scolding tone, but not an angry one, perhaps if she had stayed, if this was a different scene it would have been teasing. “It’s idiotic to run off like that.” She says simply. “To leave people worried about you, to have people set off to go looking for you.” Perhaps her age was showing, her worry about her younger wife. Was she just a doubting, easily worried partner, or did you really have a point.

The tone would shift after that. “Our family is in shambles,”  She says, her tone accusation at first, but then it was just grief.  “I don’t know where Proteus and Adriel are , Kristoff wants nothing to do with us anymore.” She tells her wife, start with the best she supposed, work to the worst. “Thetis is the White Seour.” It makes her feel sick, how her daughter had become, her only living one that was.

And then for the elephant in the room. “Ezra is dead.” She doesn’t preface it with anything, she doesn’t stay and wait, try to say it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Of course, it was. It was Darkens fault, too busy with her work to teach her. It was Nevada’s fault, too full of pride to stay home when she was sick.

They had been neglectful parents, too busy with work and love to protect what they should have.   In that way, too she supposed, there marriage had drifted apart, seeds of doubt sprouted inside of her. She wondered, would this be fixable.

I saw a country bifurcated by more than just the presence and absence of light,
 but by lives cast aside and lost and uncared for; the walked away and the thrown-away on one side,
and on the other, those who pretended not to see them, because not seeing is easier.
And I saw someone forced to walk both sides of the metaphor,
to learn that the greatest cruelty is our casual blindness to the despair of others,
that there but for the grace of whatever god you subscribe to goes any of us.
And finally, I realized that I had found what I was looking for,
without ever being quite sure what it was.
I found a story that would make my own life make sense again.
#A783B7
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Offline Nevada

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Re: Never Ending. (Nevada)
« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2017, 01:19:06 PM »

N E V A D A


Nevada had not avoided Darken, but had given her mate some space. She had returned with no claim to her rank, so she was no better than those called heathens who joined and bled their way into the pack. She had learned, in the outside world, that there truly was no difference between Valley wolf and outside wolf. Many were violent, dangerous. Many were just trying to survive, cautious but not overly aggressive. From the experience, she wasn't sure she could tell apart a Valley wolf from a "heathen" from sight alone - something that scared the valley wolves. Would it not be better for them all to bear some mark of the valley? Otherwise, those who were born of the valley would not be distinguishable from those born of the wilds.

Except in their obsession.

She remained in sight of her mate for the few hours since her re-entry. The wilds had known her as Seven, now she walked again as Nevada, something that she had to grow used to again. She was no longer Pathos, but the name still clung to her heart along with a growing displeasure. She had nothing to do right now besides follow her mate and stay close, like a lost puppy. Not speaking, knowing that she had to give her time to come to the reality of the situation. Not close enough to cause discomfort, not far enough to make Darken feel that she was still abandoned.

The lady who smelled of plants, who filled Nevada's dreams, came to her.

     “If you were sick you should have come to me. It’s idiotic to run off like that. To leave people worried about you, to have people set off to go looking for you."

Tail low and nose lowered in classic guilt, Nevada endured the scolding, trying to meet Darken's eyes as often as she could. "I'm sorry, I thought about you every night," was all she could say, all she knew how to say while Darken was still talking. She was unsure that she had been sought after by any other than her mate and family - she had heard no news that any had come looking for her. When she had been near enough to the Valley to listen, she could not hear any calls for her. She had felt as if a ghost, vanished away with nobody searching for her. It had hurt her and she had stayed away, following the dreams of her youth. She had met a wolf of her youth, met a young coyote-hound that she felt compelled to teach. Learned so much more than she had within the Valley.

     "Our family is in shambles,"

Somehow the idea of her family hadn't crossed her mind, something she cursed herself for. Her eyes focused on Darken's completely now, eyes wide in concern.

     "I don’t know where Proteus and Adriel are , Kristoff wants nothing to do with us anymore. Thetis is the White Seour."

It took her so long to process that Thetis was the White Seour - following in the footsteps of her own brother - that she didn't have time to speak of any of the others. Of course Kristoff wouldn't want anything to do with them, he had always been a cold child. Never very loving to his mothers, always off on his own. It didn't surprise her, but Thetis as the White Seour did. She remembered that it was not her brother but instead Anamelech who was the White, at least when she left it had been. "The white..." she whispered, confusion in her voice, but it was soon wiped away as Darken said:

     "Ezra is dead."

Nevada felt her heart drop, a physical stone sinking into the pit of her stomach before spilling out into the earth below her. "How?" She would stare at Darken as the Rengyo explained, if she explained at all. Poor, poor Ezra. She was the kindest of their five, the closest in personality to Darken herself.

Her mind felt dizzy, but she had to explain something. "I wasn't completely truthful when I returned, with Ronove and Nastasia there," she admitted, looking across the landscape to look for others who might be spying. There was nobody nearby. "I was following Proteus and Adriel - they had left the Valley. Not to abandon us, but because they are young and wanted to experience something outside of the Valley. I tried to bring them back but I couldn't, so I stayed with them to keep them safe. I did fall ill, but it didn't last long. I didn't want them to start to hunt them down as traitors, but they weren't ready to return and then we got separated."

The ghost couldn't help but think of the parallels between her own life and the lives of their children. A mother, vanished then returned. A daughter - a sister, killed in her youth. A sibling become White royalty, though Seour wasn't exactly Rose. After all, Crow hadn't become Rose, he had retired. That - that was something she could be thankful for.




dialogue
ooc ;;


« Last Edit: March 26, 2017, 06:48:10 PM by Nevada »

It kills my heart to know
You don't think this love could grow
Cause anywhere you'd go
You know I would follow.

Offline Darken.

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Re: Never Ending. (Nevada)
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2017, 09:30:14 PM »
The apology doesn’t help. It doesn’t matter if Nevada thought of her lover every second of every day. She had left, and that Is truly what matters. She would forgive, Darken was after all one of the most forgiving wolves in the valley. She would welcome her wife eventually, she would press forward after her words, attempting to nuzzle her head against the other woman’s neck.

She feels dirty though, tainted after touching her run-away wife. She pushes it away though; she pretends to not be hurt. This was her biggest wish after all. The infidelity would be forgotten one day. She would have to pray to the Rosa’s for a change of heart.

"The white..." She nods, “She was bonded by the White Rosa at her auction.” She leaves out how Virra bid on her, she leaves out her controversial thoughts, her disappointment, it wasn’t important.  Their child was dead, the only important one. 

Nevada asked questions, how. Who and what and when would likely follow, she decides to answer them all in step, “She was murdered, I’m not sure who did it.” She sighs a bit, “I held a funeral for her.” She says simply, “It’s our fault though, we, needed to teach them better all of our children.”

"I wasn't completely truthful when I returned, with Ronove and Nastasia there,"

Her stomach sinks, she feels ill. “More lies” she mumbles, “There is no need to lie in the valley, the rosa’s will always forgive the truth.” They brought her wife back, they gave her family another chance.

"I was following Proteus and Adriel - they had left the Valley. Not to abandon us, but because they are young and wanted to experience something outside of the Valley. I tried to bring them back but I couldn't, so I stayed with them to keep them safe. I did fall ill, but it didn't last long. I didn't want them to start to hunt them down as traitors, but they weren't ready to return and then we got separated."

Perhaps it was mean spirited, pessimistic. “I’m afraid we have no children after all.”  She would say after a few minutes. “I did not raise children who would break those kind of rules.” It is plain and simple, “They will not be welcomes back into my family.” They are stern words said by a zealot woman who has had her heart broken too many times.

Her eyes have bags under them and she looks tired, much older than she did before Nevada left. “I am disappointed.” She sums up quietly, “But, would you like to see Ezra’s grave.”

I saw a country bifurcated by more than just the presence and absence of light,
 but by lives cast aside and lost and uncared for; the walked away and the thrown-away on one side,
and on the other, those who pretended not to see them, because not seeing is easier.
And I saw someone forced to walk both sides of the metaphor,
to learn that the greatest cruelty is our casual blindness to the despair of others,
that there but for the grace of whatever god you subscribe to goes any of us.
And finally, I realized that I had found what I was looking for,
without ever being quite sure what it was.
I found a story that would make my own life make sense again.
#A783B7
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Offline Nevada

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Re: Never Ending. (Nevada)
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2017, 01:03:08 PM »

N E V A D A


Nevada exhaled as Darken nuzzled into her neck, pressing her own face against her lover's. Her eyes shut as she welcomed the embrace, though she knew not all was forgotten, not all was forgiven. She had been gone for a very long time.

     “She was bonded by the White Rosa at her auction.”

She felt ringing in her skull, roaring above the background noise of the Valley. Bonded by the White Rosa.. all she could remember was her brother, throwing a child into the tar.. but that was before he was Rosa. Still, still.

Wait.

"Is Crow dead, then?" Her heart leaped at the idea, clearing her ears as she looked at Darken with hope in her eyes. She had always gotten the creeps from her grandfather, never felt connected to him like some of the others of her family had. In fact, she'd never felt truly emotionally connected to many of her relatives. Nastasia was well-received and well liked. Certain others were tentatively looked positively on. Some, like her brutish uncle Ronove, despised her - and for good reason. She was a threat, a fact that she was coldly aware of.

      “She was murdered, I’m not sure who did it. I held a funeral for her. It’s our fault though, we, needed to teach them better all of our children.”

Murdered. By whom? She felt sick, pain in her heart for the one kind child that she had given birth to. She had waited longer than most to have her first litter with the love of her life, it didn't seem right that the kind child had been torn away. She felt immense guilt at being gone during this time, being unable to see her daughter's funeral. By now, the child was bones and dust. She had had no idea. She nodded in agreement. "We let them down." It was a plain fact, one they could not get over. They both had let their children wither away.

She had become her mother.

But she would not abandon any of her living children who might want to rekindle the relationship with her. If any did, she would accept them and would not run from them like Majority had run from her. She felt bile rise in her throat as she thought of the parallels and for a brief moment, she hated herself.

     “More lies. There is no need to lie in the valley, the rosa’s will always forgive the truth.”

Nevada looked at her mate, scrutinizing her though she masked it with a mournful, apologetic expression. She had known from the moment that she met Darken that the pretty older lady was quick to grasp onto higher powers, stronger things. Quick to trust in them with everything. She knew what Darken had told her of her past, and yet Darken believed in the Rosas with all her heart. It made sense to Nevada, she herself had sung the Red's praises from her childhood, filling Darken's head with the songs of the red, but that seed of doubt and heresy had taken root in the darkblood's mind. The Rosas will always forgive the truth... Just like the Rosas threw one of their own to be murdered by a mob. Just like the Rosas hid the bodies of those they disagreed with. Just like the Rosas controlled with stone fangs.

Sure.

     “I’m afraid we have no children after all. I did not raise children who would break those kind of rules. They will not be welcomes back into my family.”

The words stung Nevada and she felt herself unconsciously stiffen. These words, cutting off their sons for a curiosity that they had inherited from the one who had given them life. The sudden heat of anger in her chest startled the blue and white wolf and she felt a stirring within her. "Perhaps you would feel differently had you borne them yourself, with your own blood, sweat, and milk." She fought for her voice to remain steady and not rise - she did not want to argue with her mate when they were already so unsteady. "Truly they inherited their curiosity from their Valley lineage -" from her own " - I was fortunate to be able to satiate my curiosity through our mission to find Ezekiel. The opportunity they took was the disease. There are so many highly respected members of the Valley who left and returned, with and without permission: the Yellow, (Enix), my mother. I pray you give our sons the same respect." If they returned, she would welcome them back, even if Darken did not.

She knew she had to tell her now.

"We may yet have children - I found a donor in the wilds shortly before coming home. Powerful and strong, but also intelligent. I'm not certain that the seed took, but if it did, they will be yours and mine...?" The question slivering into her voice was just this: If you will accept them as your own? She felt nothing but cold respect for the male who had offered his services. She had known she could have sought after a different male to father the litter, but if she had pursued him for this deed, she knew that it was just tempting the fates of the past.

     “I am disappointed.”

Yes, and so was she. Disappointment was a part of life, however, and it would not stop Nevada from loving Darken.

     “But, would you like to see Ezra’s grave.”

She nodded. "Please, show me." If Darken led her, she would follow without hesitation.




dialogue
ooc ;; I forget if the name Enix is public knowledge so if not, replace the name with whatever she's known by.



It kills my heart to know
You don't think this love could grow
Cause anywhere you'd go
You know I would follow.